I met Alvin at a housewarming party for my friend Laurel. He was new in town, just got an assistant production manager job at one of the big regional theatres in LA. He was tall, had dark curly hair, and held a certain mischievous gleam in his eye.
I had a few acquaintances at that party and small-talked with them, but I enjoyed getting to know this new person much more. He looked an awful like Rufus Sewell to me and we spent some time comparing pictures of him and Sewell and me and Scarlett Johansson with the people around us. Such activities flattered our egos, which also enhanced our liking of each other. I found him to be incredibly witty, intelligent, and all around charming.
By the time we were leaving, he wanted my number and I obliged. I typed his name into my phone, asking him for the spelling to make sure it was correct. He has the letters a-s-s in his last name, which meant we had a nice little exchange with puns involving “ass” that ended with him commenting that he “didn’t mind if he caught me looking.”
This was very promising. A cute, nice, fun, attractive theatre guy who I seemed to get along with really well and he seemed to like me too. Score! The only problem is that once we became Facebook friends, I discovered he had a girlfriend. Uuuuuhhhh what?? To add to the confusion, here is what happened over text in the following week (click on the first image to enlarge):
I felt very encouraged by all of this. He seemed very intensely to want to get to know me, which doesn’t happen that often. But what was the deal with his relationship status? That’s what I needed to clarify. The night of my party referenced above was on the Summer Solstice. I love parties, I love hosting them. And this one was spectacular. We picnicked during sunset and into the evening on the grass lawn at my apartment where I had already hung up white Christmas lights on the hedges surrounding the property and staked solar panel powered lights into the grass. There were at least fifteen people who showed up, I made all sorts of delicious food, and my guests brought an excellent array of alcohol.
I had resolved to myself that I would talk to Alvin that night and figure out what was up. I had hopeful thoughts that maybe he would stay over. But we were never alone, so the timing was never right.
The flirtation with Alvin was probably a little overboard. Sitting next to each other, glances, jokes, he told me I was really hot on many occasions, etc. It was obvious and probably gross to the people there. As the hours waned, Alvin ended up being one of the first to leave instead of the last to stay. I was really disappointed by this. But I very much wanted to clear up his story.
Here are the texts from that night after everyone had left:
I found out through Laurel that his girlfriend was someone he left behind on the East Coast when he got the job in LA. He backed off quite a bit over the next couple of weeks, which was good. I was open to friendship, but wasn’t going to pursue it much. Here’s the lack of texting from those two weeks:
And then this happened:
WTF. Geniunely, WHAT. THE. FUCK.
I am so very grateful that I was already asleep and that my phone was on “Do Not Disturb” because after all of that nonsense of stringing me along, I would have chewed him up and spit him out over text. Actually, maybe he would have deserved it. I don’t know.
But what does it say about him that my message was open last and not his girlfriend’s…hmmmm?? A whole 24 hours had passed between his last text and the “1234 kiss kiss kiss kiss.” What does that even mean??
He didn’t message me again until November:
And I never heard from him again. The “seeing someone” part was only a half-truth, because I had only gone on one date with Sam at that point. Some finer points that hit me in hindsight include:
- He has a master’s degree in theatre production management, but once he got a job at a well-known LA theatre, he’s bored? How about being grateful for what you have? I’ve spent a lot of time trying to “make it” in this city and he just has entitlement and privilege written all over him.
- The whole “I have a question for you later” implies some deeper than a work-related question. Don’t be a dumbass by suggesting more than you mean.
- Not wanting to share your art (and in his case, his comic book) with other people because of ownership issues or not willing to be vulnerable enough is so cliched and one-dimensional.
- He did a big switch from “I want to explain more fully” about his flirtations to “I’ve said all I need to” without really doing much of either.
- “Hey girl” ….you are not a Ryan Gosling meme, nor are you Ryan Gosling.
- Curious that he dropped off as soon as I was “claimed” by another guy. Clearly has more respect for another man’s boundaries, but not mine.
Just proves that he only liked me for the boost to his ego and not because he actually thought I was as interesting as he said. Fucking men.