I thought I identified with this song back in 2007 when the album My December was released, but I think I do even more now. Knowing from personal experience is a bitch.
I was driving for work last week and reached a bad signal area for my car’s shitty radio antenna. I pulled out my pile of CDs and came across My December and put it in. I probably haven’t listened to the album in the last four or five years.
There’s nothing better to reignite some nostalgia like music. The criss-cross of former emotions with current ones and how sometimes things don’t really change completely, they simply deflate or amplify over time or with new situations.
Here’s some of “How I Feel” right now:
Oh, I’m getting tired of believing
Even sicker of pretending
That it’s not so bad, just wait it out
Oh, I think you’re feeding me lies again
The only good man left wasn’t him
And that’s how I feel right now so just let me be
Let me be
It seems every time I find a good man
He’s got a good little wife
I’m not jealous but I won’t lie
I don’t want to hear about your wonderful life
And babies everywhere I look
Trophy wives with their little black books
At this rate I’m gonna end up alone
It’s probably all my fault, all my fault
Oh, another dead end:again
My favorite song from the album will probably always be “Irvine” because it’s about a crisis of faith and purpose, which is something that has consumed my life in the past decade.